Men are so deserving of women that any pickup means are warranted, even lying. Tell a girl she has the cutest ears youve ever seen and shell love you for it. Even if in your heart of hearts you know youre only slinging the bull, writes Weber. At one point in the book, he advises,?The woman youre approaching must be made to feel youre head over heels in love with her . . . Half the time you want to pick up a girl its because shes got a set of breasts that make you dizzy. Or the face of a movie star. Or the hips of a belly dancer. Not because she has some magnetic inner quality. But you cant let them know that. Then consider this tip: March in a peace demonstration, even if youre secretly for war. Ive heard countless stories of guys whove picked up fantastic broads at peace demonstrations.

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Among the other delirious delights of Inherent Vice, we get Martin Short in a bizarre and marvelous cameo as a velvet-suited, coke-snorting dentist who may or may not be the brains behind the Golden Fang, which may or may not be a heroin-smuggling syndicate, a dentistry tax dodge or both. Reese Witherspoon plays Docs straight-world girlfriend, an assistant D.A. who is totally disgusted with herself for being in love with him, while Maya Rudolph (Andersons off-screen spouse) has a tiny role as Docs part-time receptionist that at first seems pointless but is full of exquisite touches. I cant really explain why its hilarious when Rudolph cheerfully says Bye now! in her receptionist voice to a miniskirted young woman who emerges from a session of weed and nitrous oxide with Doc and is on her way to a date with a pair of neo-Nazis. It just is.

Hilary Duff's expectations were low when her hockey player boyfriend, Mike Comrie, called recently to say he'd picked out an early 20th birthday present for her and that "I hope you like them."

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